Self-love and Its Myth: Narcissus and Narcissism

Excerpt - Thomas Moore

Mainstream psychology puts a great deal of faith in a strong ego. Ego development and positive self-concept are considered important ingredients of a mature personality. Yet narcissism, the habit of focusing attention on oneself rather than the world of objects and of others, is considered a disorder. On the other hand, Jungian psychology, with its emphasis on the unconscious, and archetypal psychology, with its high regard for the nonego personalities of the psyche, give the impression that the ego is a sinner, literalizing all over the place and generally making a mess. Even in the analysis of dreams, it is tempting to see the ego as always making a mistake. Add religion’s longstanding warnings against selfishness and self-love, in which pride is considered one of the cardinal sins, and it begins to look as though there is a moral conspiracy against the ego.

The one-sidedness and moralism of the various attacks on narcissism suggest that there may be some soul lying around in this rejected pile of ego and self-love: anything that bad must have some value in it. Could it be that our righteous rejections of narcissism and love of self cover over a mystery about the nature of the soul’s loves? Is our negative branding of narcissism a defense against a demanding call of the soul to be loved?

The problem is not just theoretical. I’m often surprised in my therapeutic work when an otherwise mature and discerning adult who is faced with some tough choice collapses everything into the statement “I can’t be selfish.” When I explore this weighty moral imperative with the person further, I usually find that it is tied to areligious upbringing. “I was taught never to be selfish,” she will say with finality. I notice, however, that while this person insists on her selflessness, she seems in fact to be quite preoccupied with herself. In pursuit of the virtue of selflessness, attention to self can go underground and become an unconscious and corrosive attachment to pet theories and values. Now when I hear someone say, “I don’t want to be selfish,” I prepare myself for a difficult struggle with the ego.